motherhood

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The one in which I cried like a baby…

Published May 9, 2013 by FancyPants

My husband was home for five hours today. Five. He came home late last night from Virginia, went into the office at 8 to unload the truck from their job yesterday, and was sent home. We figured we’d have the day together; the girls were excited, I was excited, and he seemed relieved to just be for a while. He was told to call in the afternoon for work for the rest of the week.

Ring. Ring.

His phone beat him to the punch, and about five hours after he got home, he got a phone call from his boss. He had to go take some stuff to a job site in Pennsylvania.

Today.

His boss asked him if he needed time to be home for a while, but he wanted him to be on the road within an hour and a half of their conversation. So, I guess what his boss meant was, “you don’t really need time do you?” So he gave us kisses, said goodbyes, and left.

And I cried. A lot. Because it’s unfair. We had a day planned together. He was going to mow the yard, maybe look into putting up a crib for that baby that is going to be here before we know it. Maybe go see his grandparents who we have not seen since Easter…maybe have a fire tonight with the girls and enjoy being a family for a while.

We had a day planned.

He asked me if I minded if he left, and I asked him if I have ever had a choice.

Because here’s the thing. This job sucks. There is little about it that is good. The pay is only really good if he gets overtime. And unfortunately, the overtime only comes when he is traveling. Now, I am not saying he is making peanuts; don’t mistake me. But, hourly the pay is not as awesome as some people imagine it is. Hourly is still more than some other people make, yes. But it’s not what we were used to with his old company (and don’t be all, “She’s so shitty being all WE MAKE SO MUCH MONEY” because you know that is not it… so just don’t even say it.). It’s the overtime that makes it worth it. And, unfortunately since we are more than six months into his layoff, we have to do what we have to do for the money. It is the money that made him have to take the job in the first place; the threat of losing the money we were getting with unemployment was the cause of all of this. And so, yes, we sacrifice time for money. And it sucks ass. A lot. But it’s what we have to do until he gets the phone call, which I imagine will come right around the time of the apocalypse. I have to pretend it isn’t happening. Then the waiting isn’t terrible.

If I pretend it isn’t happening, I have nothing to wait for.

But anyway, today I cried. And I cried while getting my girls ready to go to the store. And I cried on the way to the store (we detoured to my mom and dad’s on the way. Sometimes you just need your mom.). Silently. But I cried. Because I am 33.5 weeks pregnant, I am in general discomfort constantly now, and goddamnit, I want my husband home. But we also need money for bills and survival….so what I want becomes secondary. And that, my friends, is when I realize that as a control freak, I have to let this go. I have to chin up, shut up, and deal with it because it damn well beats the alternative. It isn’t easy on anyone, and I am seeing some effects now in the girls I didn’t think we’d have to experience (but that is for another time). In the meantime, I am busying myself with getting the room ready for Finola. And I take advantage of every moment we have together because they are fleeting. Memories are made in those moments, which is nice, but I could use more of them.

He just called me, and we talked for about 45 minutes *a record for him*. It was nice. It’s so refreshing to know that even though he is miles away, we can be connected. We discussed what makes the job worth it, what makes it something we have no control or choice over, and what will make us continue to work at everything as hard as we do: we’re family. We are going to be forever. And this is not ideal, but it is not forever. And while I may cry, I don’t cry alone. I don’t hurt alone. And I am not going through this alone, even though sometimes it feels like he gets the better end of the deal as the one who isn’t home 24/7.

We do this together. Because we do what we have to do to survive and to make it. And if tears are shed along the way, they are not empty. There is only so long one person can go before the tears are the only way to communicate.

Today was that day, my friends. I am sure it will happen again. And when it does, I will let it happen. I need to be honest in all of this, honest in emotion and honest in action. And if I am being totally honest, this sucks. But, it isn’t forever.

And I can do anything I need to do for a short time.

Except now, that mantra has changed a bit.

I can do anything I need to do for as long as I need to do it.

And to know that about myself…is enough for now. Can I get an Amen?

Committed to Cloth…

Published May 1, 2013 by FancyPants

I am, admittedly, a pretty crunchy girl. I hate that word, though. But it’s true. I have always been for some reason. I wasn’t raised that way; my parents didn’t recycle when I was a kid, but we did use a clothesline in the summer, so that is something I guess. I just always have cared a lot for this planet. And while I haven’t been consistently crunchy (we all fall off the wagon from time to time), I remember always being concerned about the planet. One of my favorite t-shirts as a youngster was white with “Signs of the Times” in black bold letters on it. And around the front, in four rows of three, there were circles positioned like statement buttons on it. They said things like, “Save the Whales” ,”Love is Love”, “Make Love Not War”, ‘Reduce, Recycle, Reuse” and other fun slogan-y deals that were prevalent at the time. I was not allowed to wear the shirt to school because way back then, “Make love not war” was apparently scandalous, but I wore that thing to threads. And I just remember loving the icons that had to do with the planet. Saving the oceans. Recycling. Tree hugging. Those things appealed to my soul from a young age. Hell, I wanted to be a marine biologist to save the manatees, but I live in Ohio, and well…we’re a little short on oceans around here. But I was always passionate about the planet.

Fast forward to motherhood. I had never considered cloth diapering. I didn’t know anything about it. I wasn’t sure if I knew anyone who did it. I just was ignorant to the whole idea. I remember my introduction to the concept. Caelan was less than a year old, and I was walking in the March of Dimes Walk for Babies with my friend Sara. Now, Sara is one of the most inspirational, green, crunchy mommas I know. And she had been telling me about cloth diapers, but I felt like I didn’t know enough about them and didn’t have time to really research them. Well, we sat down and changed our little ones (she had a little boy who was a month younger than my oldest at the time), and out of his tiny little pants came the most adorable diaper I had ever seen. I was immediately intrigued. I don’t know what I thought cloth diapers were up until that point, but once I saw them, I had to know more. She was using Bum Genius 3.0 AIOS (all-in-ones) on him. At the time, they were the latest model. They were one size, and she showed me how easy it was to take them off and on with velcro *they now snap, which is (in the words of Sophia the First, “ah-mazing!”). She showed me how she stuffed the new ones, put them on him, how they would size up and down to grow with him, and how easy it truly was to use them. I could not believe it. I went home and talked my husband’s ear off about them for days. I asked Sara a million questions, and she patiently told me about cleaning, stripping, stuffing, and diapering her child in a way that had limited impact on the environment. I bit the bullet. I was ready to make another crunchy step.

Come on… You can’t argue with that!!

I looked around online for the best deals, and I found CottonBabies, which Sara had recommended. I ordered some from CottonBabies (www.cottonbabies.com) and was ready to go. I was like a kid on Christmas when the package came. I ordered more over time and wound up with a pretty good stash. I kept Caelan in cloth for a while. But, she kept getting terrible rashes, and I couldn’t find out where they came from. I stripped. I washed and washed. I changed laundry soap to try to find another one she could use. I called CottonBabies for help from their customer service. I did everything I was supposed to do. Well, it came to be that she was allergic to something in the lining that they used to sew the leg bunching together. I am thinking it must have a latex base, as she also had shown a slight allergy to latex. She was no longer able to be in cloth, and I was devastated. I sold my stash, got rid of all of them, and didn’t want to be reminded of how I felt like a failure, though none of it was my fault (oh mom guilt…). I decided to cloth diaper Ellery in some way, and by the time she came around, Bum Genius had come out with their Flips diapers. They were diaper shells with snaps that could be sized to grow with her, and they had an option for a disposable liner (or cloth!) instead of cloth all the time. With all of the issues I had with Caelan, I decided to go right into the Flips with the disposable liners. After almost a year (I believe it was nine months, but that was so long ago I am not sure), it got to be annoying because I was still throwing something away. It didn’t “feel” like I was doing much for the planet. Sure, she had a cute diaper butt in the shell, and I was saving something small, but I didn’t feel committed. So I stopped using them, packed them away, and allowed Sara to use them (again I was done). She didn’t end up using them, but she kept them for me. She must have known somehow I’d be on this road again….

And here I am. When I found out about Finola, the first thing I said was, “I am cloth diapering her. I don’t care what issues we run into, we can fix them. I am doing this.” And I have committed. Bum Genius, in their infinite genius (I am a brand snob and will not even consider another diaper, I know what I like, though there are many styles and brands to choose from) has come out with a diaper called the FreeTime *check them out here: http://www.cottonbabies.com/product_info.php?products_id=3101* that requires NO STUFFING. The inserts are attached!! AND! They are All-in-One (able to be sized to grow with the child). This saves so much time and hassle and REALLY makes cloth diapering an easy option. I am not anti-stuffing (stuffing is where you have to put the inserts into the diaper liner to add absorption and make the diaper actually work as a diaper should), but man, if I don’t have to do it, sign. me. up. TWICE! I was instantly in love with the idea, and I couldn’t wait to get my hands on some. I bought one from a local place I frequent (www.thebreastfeedingcenter.com) to show my husband how easy they were to handle. And he was even impressed (he calls me a dirty hippie, so obviously this stuff means way more to me than it does him, but he lets me fly my Freak Flag, so I can’t complain). I was planning out how to build my stash to work alongside my Flips I have back from Sara (thank you, Sara, by the way), and like a prayer answered, CottonBabies ran a Seconds Sale last week. Now, a Seconds Sale is a sale on diapers that have cosmetic imperfections, uneven stitching or color, but the effectiveness of the diaper is not compromised. My husband likened it to shopping at Gabriel Brothers for diapers. After consulting with him, and a few of my cloth diapering friends, I decided to build my stash from the Seconds Sale. FreeTimes retail for about $20 a diaper, and they were $12.50 a piece during the Seconds Sale. So, duh. I mean, really. So I ordered some (more than I would have had I had to pay retail), and I ended up still saving over $100. As we all know, I enjoy any savings I can get, especially on diapers, so I was pumped.

The diapers came in two shipments, and I got the final shipment today. I have to say, I don’t know if it is because I have an untrained eye or whatever, but I see absolutely nothing different between those diapers and the one I bought from retail. I compared the stitching, the coloring, the everything… and they all appear perfect. This is bonus for me because it means that the fine folks at CottonBabies obviously have high standards (did I mention the diapers are made here in the USA?! IMPORTANT!!) for their work because as “Seconds” they seem flawless. It was like Christmas morning for me, and the girls loved seeing them and touching them as well. I got a bunch of colors, so Finola will have the most stylish butt in town.

I didn’t get ALL of these colors, but I got a lot of them!

I am committed to this for our planet, for our pocketbooks, and for my child. I will do whatever it takes to use these until she is potty trained because I don’t want to give up. I see this like I see nursing (a post for another time). I gave up on both with the other two, and I owe it to Finola to do everything I can to make sure I am successful in my commitments to her. I am stocked, the diapers are waiting to be washed and used, and I cannot wait to do this one more thing for our planet. I will be successful in this. I won’t give up. And I will show my other two girls *who are always watching* that it is important to do what you feel is right, what is just, and what is good for us now and in the future. So, I am a committed cloth diapering momma. I just need to wait until Finola is here and big enough *about 8-10 lbs* to be a full-on Bum Genius Girl.

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way getting paid for this post. I am not affiliated with any of the above retailers, but I think you should check them out anyway. If you have any questions about cloth diapers, feel free to contact me here and we can chat!!

I did! I was an official witness at the BreastFeeding Center in Massilon, and we helped set a Guinness World Record for the most cloth diapers changed at one time, on the same day. It was so cold *it snowed!*, but it was so fun. I can’t wait for next year; Finola will be able to participate!! Consider cloth, friends.

I do…

Eight weeks to go…

Published April 29, 2013 by FancyPants

I can’t believe it, but it’s true. I am down to 56 days until my due date. It doesn’t make any sense to me either. I think once next week is over and my semester ends, I will be able to be all “baybee is coming!!” But then, my luck, I won’t have many days of that because she will show up early. I’m just calling it now. I do not think this baby will wait until June 24 to show up. I’m actually hoping she just holds off into June, if I am being honest. This pregnancy has had its fair share of ups and downs, stress and frets, but man, I gotta say, it’s been easy. Even with the sciatic nerve, the constant nausea in the beginning, the aches and pains, it has been simple and mindless. And thank God for that, because not much else has been simple or mindless.

My husband got home from North Dakota after 15 days, was off one day, went to a few other jobs for a week, was off for 23 hours, and then back to New York this past weekend and New Jersey currently, at least until Thursday. I honestly don’t know how I haven’t had an absolute meltdown yet. I’ve come close, friends. Oh, it has been close. But I am trying to maintain for the girls (both external and internal), and I am trying to maintain for my family. I cry alone when I cry. I try not to let them see me stress out, but it’s hard because those two faces are right beside me all the time. I vent to friends. To Facebook. To myself. To God. To my husband sometimes. He gets it. It’s hard for him, too. It’s temporary but surely doesn’t seem to be ending any time soon. And while it isn’t his fault that he has to do all of this, we have to maintain open lines of communication as much as possible. I am a hormonal mess many days, the girls are wrecks when they don’t get to talk to him, and it’s harder on us here I think because kids don’t get it. All they know is Daddy is gone, they want to talk to him, and they can’t whenever they want to. It’s tough. It’s tougher than I thought. But, you know what, really so am I.

So, back to the baby. I have done absolutely nothing to get ready for her. Wait, no. I did order some cloth diapers for her. I do have her carseat, some clothes (I need to get more newborn stuff), I have a bassinet in her room that needs situated, a crib in a box, her monitor in a box, I have someone making her letters for her room, and I have a bouncy seat that needs put together. We decided to keep her room the same colors to save time and money in all of that, and the girls found some neat wall art to get for her room, but again. I have to get that. I feel like I just have no energy or desire to really prepare for this whole endeavor. And I need to. Because she’s coming. Ready or not. I need to pack a hospital bag (which my app on my phone told me to do this week, and I am like, “no. Slow down, app. I have time.” I don’t even remember WHAT to pack in those things.) I need to have five seconds to focus on myself and Finola and what I need to get done. I need to wash her clothes, the walls in her nursery, the diapers (though she won’t be in them right away), the bedding…everything needs cleaned, basically. Everything needs done. It shall be done. Don’t ask me when, but it shall be.

I need to make a list of what I need to buy yet. I have some newborn diapers that I bought ages ago in bulk, so she will be set for a while in those. I have a friend who gave me some of my clothes back that I had lent her, but I need more clothes because we all know newborns do things like spit up and need changed frequently. Which reminds me, I need bibs. I have some bottles, but I am hoping not to need them because I will be nursing. I have a pump, and I am going to be calling my insurance company to see if I can get accessories for it free through them because the Affordable Care Act provides stuff like that now. I have a giant wetbag for diapers at home, and a small one for in my diaper bag (oh yeah, I have a new one of those, too, thanks to a thirty-one party that was mega successful!), but I need a hamper for at home. I just feel like I need little stuff. I need to set aside money to make sure I can grab them and budget that in (since I am always thinking budget) so that Finola has things she will need right away and I won’t have to go out shopping when she is fresh out of the hospital, haha. I need to go try out baby carriers because I will need to be able to port her around with no hands to chase around the other two. It’s amazing how much you screw yourself a bit when you decide you are NOT done having babies AFTER getting rid of everything you had. Lesson for life: never say never, and keep all baby stuff for at least two years because you just never know…

So, Finola, take your time. Mommy’s not going anywhere. Daddy’s always going somewhere. And we need time to prepare for you. The girls are ready to meet you like NOW, but don’t listen to them. Their only job is to love you, snuggle you, and smother you with sisterly goodness for a while… so, they don’t get a vote in this one. Just stay put, grow, develop, and I will do everything I can to minimize stress and keep your environment welcome and calm. I can’t promise that will be easy, but I promise you I will give it my all…

Jesus. Eight weeks. That seems so…surreal.

Control Freak.

Published April 7, 2013 by FancyPants

I don’t know if you have noticed this about me, kind reader, but I am a bit of a control freak. Not like a HUGE one, because I do Let Go and Let God sometimes, but I definitely like a plan. And a To Do list. With boxes I can check off. Everyday. That is normal, yes? Anyway, we are five *FIVE!?* months into this layoff thing, and I have to say, I am SO glad my husband found another job for the waiting period this past month. It has been SO nice to breathe a bit financially, and the travel thing isn’t truly awful. Currently, he is in North Dakota. With no idea of when he will be back. THIS part doesn’t make me happy, and rumor has it he will be there about a month. One. Whole. Month. Gone.

We have never spent as little as six days away from each other, ever. I cannot imagine four (or more?!) weeks in a row.

Someone pass me four ounces of wine. I’m allowed to have that.

Ooooo I’m a girl who LOVES options!!!

The idea of him being gone a month makes me twitch. A lot. That is a lot of together time for the girls and me. And it is a lot of me doing things on my own. A lot of it. Four weeks of it. If they say he will be gone more than a month, I may cry. Wait. I already have at the thought of him being gone a month. A month is a long time, yes, but I have to think of it this way: he could be gone a month in one place, or four weeks in other places. Would it really matter? Kind of, because when he is going other places, he does get to come home first. No coming home from North Dakota yet. Yikes. A. Month. Eep!!

Anyway, I will not be so sad about it when he gets paid. THAT part will rock. Ok, hunny, you work 12 hours a day for 30 days, and just make sure the company direct deposits those checks, pal. Zero complaints on that. And I can be altruistic and say that money doesn’t buy happiness, and it doesn’t (except for the iPhone…) but I smile a lot more now that I have for four months. And I am surely going to be smiling a lot more once he gets paid for all this nonsense in ND. I like that I am able to breathe, and we are able to get rid of our debt snowball faster, but I don’t like that he is gone. I did not marry someone to become a single mom, but that’s what this feels like. And that’s fine. (DISCLAIMER: Please don’t go all “OH NO YOU DIDN’T! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A SINGLE MOM!” I am making a comparison. You’re right. I don’t. And I’d like to never truly “know” that. I prefer this marriage gig.) But I have to remember this: I can do ANYTHING for a short period of time. Short. Got that, Universe?! Short.

What I am struggling with is not being able to see him all the time. Or talk to him when I want. He is on midnights, and he works 7p-7a. So, the prime time for me to talk to him without kids around is nil. We are making do, but it would be nice to have a conversation with him without Ellery yelling, “DADDY HAS BLUE EYES! LOOK MOMMY! DADDY!!” and Caelan describing the minutia of her day ad nauseam (that girl will have a blog soon. this is her medium). What I also don’t like (and I am a big enough woman *no fat jokes, I’m pregnant* to admit this) is that I don’t always know what he is doing. Now, that may sound goofy, and that is fine whatever, but I just kind of like knowing what he’s watching on TV. Or what he is eating. Or what he buys at the store. These details are important to me. They tell me the story of his life when he isn’t home. That life I don’t really get a good look at, and I think it is only natural (I hope) to want to know a little bit about that side. I am not talking about whether or not he is cheating on me because that is something I truly don’t believe I need to worry about. Ever. But I am talking about the little things. What t-shirt he is wearing. What he sees out his window. What the weather is like. These are all details that I have interest in. And this could be because I am a writer, and those details help the story, but it also could be because I am a control freak. I like to know things. It’s how I have always been. I don’t like NOT knowing things. It makes me nervous and stabby. I’m a knowledge and research junkie. We all know this. Not having access to knowledge unnerves me.

So, these are the times I have to Let Go and Let God. I have to have faith that I can’t know everything, and as uncomfortable as that makes me, it is also a bit freeing. It allows me to focus on what I can know, and what I can do, and I put the rest out of my mind. I have to let him have the story of his travels, and I have to accept that I am not a part of that story really. It has nothing to do with me. Or the kids. It has to do with him being on his own, doing what he needs to do, and providing for his family back home. It calls for a level of trust that goes beyond what I have dealt with before. I have never really had a long distance relationship, long term or short, and a long distance marriage is a bit weird. But we will get through this together, and he will come home. His company can call ANY DAY NOW (see the date? Yeah. It’s the 7th. Crickets from that company, by the way. Good news coming in slowly, but we don’t know until we know…again). And it won’t last forever. I feel like we have lived for five months now NOT KNOWING much, and that hasn’t helped the control freak in me. But this time has allowed me to Let Go and Let God a lot more than I ever thought I could. And what doesn’t kill us allows us to grow stronger. And I’d like to think I’m one strong, tough cookie (or nugget, as Ellery likes to say. “Mommy tough nuggets.” Thanks, kid, I try.). No one ever died from this. I have to remember that.

That’s me!!

peeks in

Published March 23, 2013 by FancyPants

Is anyone still here? I know it’s been a while since I have written, but things have been super busy around here lately, and I am in the wonderful “desire to do everything, energy to do nothing” phase of pregnancy. By the end of the night when I can blog, my energy leads me to the couch and remote. I have had like eleventy billion ideas of things to write about, and none of them have really materialized, of course. So, a list and a quick update before I am led back to the couch this morning.

1. My husband has not received the Call yet (of course, because it’s not April 7, right folks?). In the meantime until they call, he had to take another job. I say, “had to” because that’s the way it went down. See, with unemployment, you have to apply for two jobs within your “field of expertise” a week. Well, he applied at this company, and they liked him, so they interviewed him. We didn’t really hope he’d get the job because it involves ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRAVEL. Yes folks, he will be not home when working. Ever. For days to weeks at a time. (Read: WTF!?) Well, because the Universe works in ways unknown, he got the job. THIS raised a few questions. First, if he turned down the job, he would have to interview with unemployment, and then they could deny our benefits (read: no income). Second, even though there are two instances where they could “ideally” not deny our benefits, they would not tell him if they would or not until he denied it, and then interviewed, and then, it would be too late if they decided to cut our benefits (read: screwed with no income). Third, the hourly amount is not THAT much more than unemployment (and less than his wage at his job), but with the mandatory overtime (read: the average workday is 12-16 hours) it will make it totally worth it.

He is going into his third week there, and it hasn’t been as painful as I anticipated. I actually function quite well on my own, but by Friday I am ready for him to be home. He is lucky he married an independent broad like me. So far he has gone to Houston for a week, Columbus for three days, and next week we know he will be in New York, but we have no idea for how long. They told him to always keep a bag packed because they could need him at a moment’s notice to head somewhere. They pay for travel, expenses during travel *including meals*, and he gets to go learn another trade area that will help him at his Primary Employer once they call him back. He still has a guarantee to get a call from them since he didn’t (and won’t) officially quit there, so we are just doing this until that phone call comes. I have checked into this ad nauseum (me? never, I know!) and I was told by someone else who knows the deal, “The company sometimes has layoffs for years at a time. They cannot just expect people not to work and support their families. Unemployment only goes so far (right?!), and they know that. They will call. They can’t NOT call. It’s against their policies.” So, I feel better about the whole job thing. The Call, though, can come any day now. April 7? THAT would be nice!! It looks like things are picking up soon, but seeing as we are rounding into a fifth month of being laid off, there’s no way to know until we know. So, he works while we wait. Sigh.

It won’t be fun all the time. It won’t be ideal. But it will be something we have to do until we get that Call. It will be nice to be able to breathe a little financially, and I can do anything for a short period of time (I am pretty sure I have proven that). I won’t like living the Single Married Mom life, but the girls are the ones who will be most affected by it all. C is old enough to understand that Daddy has to go to work, but E is not. And that’s ok. We will work through it as we go. We don’t know where he will be off to next until they tell him (sound familiar?), so we just take it one week at a time. Baby steps will be the plan of attack. We got this. I have a village to support me while he is gone, and I can call on them for support as I need it. Now, will they answer the call? I hope so!

So yeah. I am counting down the days until his phone rings and his Primary Employer calls him back. We will have fun, just us girls, while he is gone, and I will keep them busy so it doesn’t feel like he is gone forever, like I am sure it will feel in their two and four year old brains. It will be worth it for him to learn some new things, build his skill base, add to the bank account, and travel a bit on someone else’s dime.

2. His very first paycheck came in, and we were able to knock the first item off of our debt snowball. Woot! And then? The next day the taxes came in (which I was not able to do all I wanted with because when you make more money than the year before you should change your withholdings to get a bigger refund, which we know now, but didn’t then), and so we knocked the next item off of our debt snowball. Woot! Two in 24 hours. I cannot complain about that. Budget-wise, I am still going to budget our amounts based on the amount unemployment would give us a week, and then anything extra gets sent to the snowball and a bit to savings. I know Dave says to do one at a time, but I don’t want to NOT save more. We may need some to live off of because when he goes back to his Primary Employer, there will be a lapse in pays, and we need to be covered. So, I am planning for both. It will be so nice once that phone call comes because then we can just be.

3. I think, budget-wise, I will always keep us at the amount for unemployment until the debt snowball is paid down. I know we “can” make it on that amount because, well, we did. And that’s a nice steady amount every week to plan on. The rest will just be extra. It’s a nice starting point, and I am glad a friend of mine suggested that plan to me because I wasn’t smart enough to think of it on my own. We will see how it all plays out in the months to come. It’s working so far, and I can see how it will continue to for a while. I’m excited to be able to budget in for extra money being sent place because we still have those two CC balances to knock out. Once those are gone, we are literally down to car payments, student loans, and mortgage. THAT will be an amazing feeling, and I hope to be there by October when the 0% APR runs out. I don’t want to have to transfer any balances to another 0% APR, but I know I will if we have to. I can only do what I can do with what I have, and I will do everything I can to make that October goal. We can do anything, but not everything, and that is something I must remember as I often try to do everything.

4. The girls are getting so big, independent, and so smart. Watching them play together has been SO fun lately. They are truly best friends, and we are so blessed to have them both. It’s unbelievable that we will have another baby girl around here in three(ish) months. Three months from tomorrow is my due date, and we have nothing in the nursery ready yet. We are planning on repainting it, but if he is traveling until she is born, that won’t happen. We do need to get on the stick to get the crib, but we have time. I have access to a bassinet which I will use anyway for the first month or so. I am in no hurry.

5. Because I am in no hurry, I feel a bit bad for Finola. I mean, I have not had any time at all to revel in the whole “pregnancy experience”. She’s in there. She nudges me, kicks me, lets me know she is here everyday. I love her to pieces, I just feel like she’s getting short changed already LOL. Get used to it, toots, you’re the third. I mean, I found out I was pregnant in late October, and on the first week of November he was laid off. It hasn’t been the most calm and serene environment to gestate in. I am 100% sure she will be fine. I just don’t like feeling like I haven’t really enjoyed this whole experience. It isn’t that I haven’t enjoyed it, but it hasn’t been the most enjoyable. But that’s ok. She’s already learning coping mechanisms in utero, right? She’s going to be a warrior this one. Mark my word.

6. My in-laws gave us some exciting news last night which will make life easier for all of us very soon. It’s not my story to tell yet, but know that it is a good thing and something I look forward to, even though I don’t ~~usually~~ always see eye-to-eye with them on things.

7. The semester is almost over, and I am so happy. I love my job, I love my students, but I am so ready to not have to deal with both for a while. Again, I will enjoy pregnancy a lot more once I am able to focus on house and home solely for a bit. I have a good *small* group this semester, and I love helping them succeed. It’s what I do. And I love every second of it.

Well, that’s it. I know it’s a lot, but it’s how the weeks have been recently. If you have any advice on how to help kids through a job where one parent travels, I would greatly appreciate them. Comment away, your words can touch someone else whom you’ve never met.

I love this quote. It is so true…
I can do anything. But not everything.
But I will do what I can.
And it will be enough.
It will always be enough.

Spring Forward…

Published March 10, 2013 by FancyPants

Well, folks, it’s time to spring forward here in good old Northeast Ohio. I absolutely despise daylight savings time until the weather is warm. Then? Bring on longer days! But for now, I’m tired and cranky. Last night I had the awesome experience (insert sarcasm font here) of being awake to watch my clock change. THAT was a real mind-screw. Ellery was up, and I looked at the clock. It said “4:46.” Ok, I thought. No biggie. I looked again after I got her back in bed and “6:02″ was on the screen. Jesus Chreezus! THAT took forever, are you kidding me? was my first thought. And then, I remembered. Time Change. Spring forward. Shit, I thought, I just experienced losing that hour. That was an annoying revelation, and I am sure I will be having that moment for years to come with my ~~annoying~~ wonderful children who do not like me sleep all that well.

What’s new? Well, my husband and I had an awesome Friday night. My parents, sister, and her wife all went together and got us movie passes and a hotel for the night. My sister and her wife stayed with our girls overnight, and that was the most amazingly needed night of our lives. Seriously. They say it was for our anniversary (one week till we celebrate St Patrick’s Day AND six years of wedded bliss!). I think it’s because they know we needed it before we went batshit crazy. Either way, we took it, and we rocked out. It was so nice to go to dinner, Target *what date night is complete without Target?*, and the movies. And then a hotel to sleep. All night. It was awesome. My Spidey Senses told me what they were up to when my sister asked my husband for my email address. My first thought was, they’re getting us movie passes. And a hotel. Or she wants me to look over a paper for school. Because really, to think they actually were doing the first two was a little out there. But no, Spidey Senses were spot on! And we were both grateful.

Speaking of Spidey Senses, I had a dream Thursday night that the husband will be back to work at his job on April 7th. So, keep that date in your minds, folks. In my dream, his phone rang and he answered it. It was them. And in my head *in the dream*, the date April 7th came into my mind. So then he said aloud *in the dream*, “Ok, I will see you April 7th then.” Boom. Spidey Senses. Let’s hope that’s the case…

I am on Spring Break this week, and I will love having time with the girls for a while without worrying about work and teaching. I will be doing not a damn thing for work (I do have to grade a few papers, but that can wait a while), and I will be enjoying my little ladies. I don’t know what we will do, since C is not on break, but it’s ok. Sometimes it’s easiest not to make plans and just enjoy the daily blessings.

Today is going to be a beautiful day. It’s warming up. The sun is out. We will be spending time outside. My windows are open and letting in the fresh air. I wish it was warm enough to line-dry clothes, but alas, we have time for that to come.

I guess “Springing Forward” isn’t too bad after all. Enjoy today!

No Spend Month, Week Three…

Published February 23, 2013 by FancyPants

Well folks, another boring week over here at FancyPants Manor. We bought groceries. And gas. And we took our daughter to her school’s monthly skate party (we had budgeted that in, and the cost was $10 for both her and my husband to skate, for those of you who would like to know exact dollar amounts of what we do). That about encompasses the excitement that abounds, I tell ya. Aside from the $1000 emergency savings fund, nothing really exciting happened over here.

In other news, I made our meal plan until April 13, which is huge. That will save me a lot of time. I want to be able to get up until and shortly after the birth of Finola planned and shopped for in advance so I don’t have to worry about it. I don’t know a lot of “let’s take the new mom casseroles and dinner” folks, so I figure I better get on it myself. So that’s the plan. I am sure it won’t be hard. I am disciplined and diligent, and I take care of what needs taken care of. NO big. I got this.

The Universe has been doing some really neat things over here at FancyPants Manor, which I am going to be weird and vague about for right now, but know it is SO true that God provides, and that good things happen when you don’t even come close to expecting them. It’s amazing when something happens that just literally nails you to the wall. And I was nailed to the wall yesterday, that’s for sure. I have gotten the chance to talk to two friends and educate them on what has worked for us, and they are implementing their own systems in their homes to help their families. And that means more to me than anything. To think that I can use this time to educate people and help them out by what I have learned is a dream, and it was something I didn’t know I wanted to do until I started it all. So, if you need tips, feel free to ask. I will share it all (as you know!). I am in a uniquely blessed position to teach and help others, and that is always cool for me. I am a born teacher, in many ways.

We are really getting the hang of No Spend Month, and I am trying to figure out when we can do it again. I’d like to do it again around September-ish. We could do August, but August is school supply season (which, admittedly, we could budget for and buy in advance, so it wouldn’t be an issue). So, August or September just seems like a good time to try it again. I’d like to implement it twice a year. March will be Low Spend Month until the husband gets that phone call, which we all hope comes in March. I am almost positive it will; I told you I have good feelings about it coming soon. But, like with anything, we don’t know until we know. So, we wait. Yay waiting. I have become an amazingly patient person because I haven’t had a choice. lol.

Nothing fun to report. Next week is the end of this journey. I can’t believe it. No Spend Month will be a distant memory, and hopefully in a few months’ time, all that is left of this crazy layoff period are the memories of the lessons we learned, the budget skills we implemented, the meals we planned, and the memories of the amazing times we had with all of us together. You know what WON’T be left? Debt! And that, that is such an amazing feeling that I cannot even express. The girls will be a wreck when he goes back, but they are resilient and will adjust accordingly. This time with them has been invaluable, for them and my husband. They have gotten the chance to value time with him (and me), and that is far more important than anything we could buy for them…

And, in these times, we have an excess of time where there is a lack of money…
And they are better for that.

Finola Leigh

Published February 16, 2013 by FancyPants

Well, friends, after months of back and forth, of what I wanted in a name and what my husband wanted in a name, of give and take and absolute refusal to even think about it anymore, our daughter has a name. Finally. And, my husband came up with it on his own. And it happens to be a name I have loved for 26 years….

Her name will be Finola. Finola Leigh. As a lifetime General Hospital watcher, since my infancy for real, I have loved Finola Hughes. I remember reading her name on the credits when I was probably 5 and was like, “that’s a cool name!” And then she was on How Do I Look? And I have seen some of her not-so-great movies on TV before. I swear she has been on Lifetime more than once. Anyway, I have loved it forever basically. So, how did we come to it? Let me set the scene…

Last Sunday, my husband and I were with the girls at my parents’ house for dinner. Discussing names. Of course. And he had mentioned some real doozies he liked (Regina, for one. NO thanks). And he didn’t like anything I was bringing to the table (Deliah. Hollis. COOL people names…). He was on his phone *shock I know* and found Finola on a names website. As soon as he said it, I felt something inside of me jump. I am not saying it was the baby, but I think it was more relief that he finally picked something COOL and Irish and that would work with both of our other girls’ names. I lit up. I said, “yes. Finola it is. I have loved that name forever!!” I explained to him that I never suggested it because I assumed he would shoot it down like everything else I said, or he would laugh at me for it. His response? “Well, you never said it.” *face/palm*

So, it is settled. This baby finally has a name. A name I love. A name my husband chose all by himself. And one, most importantly, we can agree on! The girls love saying it (because it’s fun to say!), Ellery sings songs about Baby FUH-Nola, and I believe she likes it, too. She seems content with it. She’s been moving around like crazy lately and really making her presence known and felt. I swear she does not want my husband to feel her because every time she gets going and I can feel her on the outside, I tell him to try and she stops. She’s being a shy fry around him, for some unknown reason. I think it’s funny. She’s silly already. Her personality is so funny. She’s all activity and motion until Daddy touches her. Then? She disappears completely. LOL! Ellery did the same thing, and she couldn’t be more of a Daddy’s Girl. Really, it’s scary sometimes. That is something for a whole other post entirely…

I found this quote, and I want to put it in her room over her crib (when we get it)…

I think it fits, no?

We love you, Miss Finola Leigh.

“Oh no!” she laughs…

Published February 8, 2013 by FancyPants

That would be what the text would say if you told a story about the moment the ultrasound tech revealed the gender of Baby FancyPants. That was my first reaction. And it’s not because I wasn’t happy, or I didn’t want baby to have the parts that were showing on the screen. I literally could not believe it. I was really…shocked, I guess you could say. The pregnancy has been so different, so different. Which, we all know, doesn’t mean much. I guess I shouldn’t have been shocked. I had been thinking it would turn out this way for a while now. But to see it on the screen, with the kicking legs and fluttering feet was just a bit stunning. I was excited, happy, elated, and relieved. And you can see why…

Meet our newest baby girl…

Yes. We are adding another girl to the mix of adventure we call life. I couldn’t be happier. Mainly because she’s alone in there. And because we know what to do with girls. Girls are kind of what we do around here, apparently. The ultrasound was unlike any I had ever had. She was so ACTIVE… she was all over the place. At one point, she was head down, in a curled up position with her head tucked, attempting to kick off the other side of my uterus and do a flip. Obviously, her sisters’ gymnastics shows have not gone unnoticed by her. She would cover her face, playing peekaboo, while opening her mouth as if to say, “boo!” And then, we got to see her yawn super big and stretch. The technician went back so we could watch it in slow motion. It was insanely cool. This little girl obviously knows she must match the energy coming from the outside world of her sisters. I couldn’t help but get teary-eyed when she would peek in and out, rubbing her face, putting her knees to her chest. She was NOT happy with the technician. She did not want to be bothered after a while, and she made it clear to all. The tech had a hard time getting a clear view of her heart, but bless her for sticking it out and getting what she needed. I got to see my daughter for a full 35 minutes, and those minutes meant so much to me.

Everything in the ultrasound turned out normal and measured on time, except a small echogenic focus on her heart. That is basically a small white spot that, if found with other triggers, could be a marker for a chromosomal abnormality. Downs Syndrome is one thing they catch with this. Since everything else looked normal in the preliminary ultrasound findings, my doctor isn’t concerned at this point. She said if they were to find something else in the ultrasound, they would be concerned, but in her words, “that’s not the case with you.” Something else to find for them to be concerned would have been like a cleft palate or other sign of an abnormality. But, as she said, they didn’t find anything in the initial ultrasound. Being proactive and not waiting around for a call, I called my doctor’s office this morning to see if I could get any more information because they told me that they would study the ultrasounds closely at night. Apparently, they did study them overnight, as the results were marked as read by two doctors, mine and another. And they didn’t flag anything on my patient charts or notes, so I have to wait until Monday when my doctor is in to see if she needs to call me back for any further action. The nurse said that these are common, as did my OB, and that they can be something that disappears or even just a movement fleck on the ultrasound. So I will wait until Monday to see if I hear anything else. Whatever it is, it is. But I don’t have any concerns at this point. No sense being concerned if it’s something that we can’t control, or nothing at all.

Other than that, we are now onto the continuing name debate (I have my favorite and am waiting for him to agree with me), and we have decided we will be repainting her nursery. It’s been the same for five years, and she can have a new look. There’s nothing worse than finding out you’re having a girl during No Spend Month! But it’s ok. We’ll spend enough on her; I can wait a few weeks.

So, there you have it. We’re having another FancyPants girl. And all four of us could not be happier.

Dear Baby FancyPants

Published February 3, 2013 by FancyPants

Dear Baby FancyPants,

Tomorrow, we meet the halfway mark in our adventure together. Thursday we find out whether you will be another wonderful little lady for our family or a little boy for us to start a whole new adventures with. Everyone asks me if we were trying for a boy. And we weren’t. That would be silly, to try for something that has a 50/50 chance of being real and it being something as big as “life creation”. I’m not a bettin’ lady. So, no. We were not trying for anything but a baby. And luckily, we know you are at least that. Everyone then asks me if I want a boy this time, and I used to say yes. Because, well, a boy sounds great. But then I looked at these two little sprites who are your sisters, and I realized that another girl wouldn’t be a bad thing, at all. We know what do with girls. And your sisters could not be more different from each other (this is the first time I have said, “your sisters”, and I have to admit it choked me a up a bit) and we’ve still figured it out so far with minimal damage. If we had another girl to add to this crazy mix, it would just mean we have to work harder and smarter to be able to afford three weddings in the future, if that is the path you so choose.

A boy, though, wouldn’t be bad. It would be fun! We could get to know how to be parents of a boy. We wouldn’t raise you differently, but we would have a whole new set of things to experience. Like, projectile pee for example. And whether or not to circumcise. And how to deal with new puberty hormones, when it comes to that. Basically, we would have to figure out how to raise a person with a penis. That would, essentially, be the biggest difference. Everything else we can figure out along the way. Parenting is a great adventure that way.

You have been mega active in the past few days, which is always fun. I have to admit, I kind of like being the only person to ‘know’ you, even though I know your daddy and sisters can’t wait to know you, too. But I think it’s important that you and I just have these last 20 weeks or so together. It’s not that I don’t like sharing, I do, but this is the best part of pregnancy to me. Just you and me, rolling through life together (well, until I waddle, but again, adventure!). I dig it. Let’s keep it up for as long as we can, k? No early arrivals, please and thank you.

So., whatever you happen to be, know that we are so excited to find out and start planning for you. Good news! If you’re a girl, you get a new paint job in your nursery! Daddy and I decided we will change it up for you, since it has been the same for almost five years. And if you’re a boy, you have a new paint job, too! Everyone loves new paint! Either way, we can’t be more excited to see you, to love you, and to figure out what your name will be (don’t ask. Daddy has not been the most cooperative being on this matter, but we will figure it out!). We are so blessed to be your parents, to let you meet your big sisters and crazy family, and to raise you to be a responsible, caring, and respectful citizen of this wacky place we call our world.

I absolutely adore this quote… And it is SO true…

FancyPants Corner

Using the power of words to make sense of this world we live in...